For a moment, it looks like the shadows are threatening to overtake the room, but they abruptly die down, going back to normal. Nico rests his elbows on the table, holding the sides of his head, and gripping his hair like he wants to pull it right off his skull. He wants to tell Dave the other reasons, so badly that it takes him off-guard and fills him with terror.
It's enough to drive anyone to tears, but Nico almost violently refuses to let them out. He's not a child anymore. He stopped being one at eleven, for Hades' sake.
He wants to run. To shadow travel somewhere else because Camp Half-Blood is forcing him to look at the people he knows and acknowledge the fact that he has people he's close to. People he doesn't want to give up or lose. People he's afraid will reject him after finding a surprising amount of acceptance considering who his godly parent is. This camp isn't home, and neither had Camp Jupiter, but these people have become his new home.
He can't. Nico doesn't want to try anything that will endanger what he perceives as a fragile foundation. A foundation that he hasn't had underneath his feet since Bianca's death. It started being rebuilt when he brought Hazel back to life, and now it's being added on to with more...friends and family members. Yet it doesn't feel very solid. Instead of something like rock, Nico feels like he's standing on thin ice. One wrong step will send him plunging into dangerously freezing waters, and he's not sure he'll be able to get back to the surface if it gives out.
The son of Hades doesn't flee, though. His self-preservation instincts scream at him to escape, that he's too close and that's extremely dangerous. Yet...yet....
Yet he trusts Dave. Nico honestly cannot find it in himself to distrust him. He trusts the son of Janus as much as he trusts a family member, as much as he trusts Derek. He has no idea when he started feeling that way or how in the Five Rivers of Hades Dave managed to do this, but he does.
So...Nico decides to take a chance and see what happens.]
No...no, I don't believe that at all. And it infuriates me that I have such a hard time....
[He stops and lets out a sigh. Nico lets go of his hair, placing his forehead in his hands and refusing to look at Dave.]
I.... [He swallows thickly.] I'm not being fair at all, and I know that, but....
[Nico takes a breath. He doesn't want to fully say it, and he's hoping against hope that Dave doesn't take this badly.]
I'm just...angry. And disgusted at myself. And ashamed. I mean, I'm from 1942 Italy, we just don't talk about...about....
[Run, run, run! Get out now while you still have a chance, di Angelo! He stomps those instincts and thoughts down. He's committed to telling Dave the truth, for the love of the Styx!]
About a guy liking...another...guy.
[And now he waits, shaking slightly as he braces himself for the worst.]
no subject
For a moment, it looks like the shadows are threatening to overtake the room, but they abruptly die down, going back to normal. Nico rests his elbows on the table, holding the sides of his head, and gripping his hair like he wants to pull it right off his skull. He wants to tell Dave the other reasons, so badly that it takes him off-guard and fills him with terror.
It's enough to drive anyone to tears, but Nico almost violently refuses to let them out. He's not a child anymore. He stopped being one at eleven, for Hades' sake.
He wants to run. To shadow travel somewhere else because Camp Half-Blood is forcing him to look at the people he knows and acknowledge the fact that he has people he's close to. People he doesn't want to give up or lose. People he's afraid will reject him after finding a surprising amount of acceptance considering who his godly parent is. This camp isn't home, and neither had Camp Jupiter, but these people have become his new home.
He can't. Nico doesn't want to try anything that will endanger what he perceives as a fragile foundation. A foundation that he hasn't had underneath his feet since Bianca's death. It started being rebuilt when he brought Hazel back to life, and now it's being added on to with more...friends and family members. Yet it doesn't feel very solid. Instead of something like rock, Nico feels like he's standing on thin ice. One wrong step will send him plunging into dangerously freezing waters, and he's not sure he'll be able to get back to the surface if it gives out.
The son of Hades doesn't flee, though. His self-preservation instincts scream at him to escape, that he's too close and that's extremely dangerous. Yet...yet....
Yet he trusts Dave. Nico honestly cannot find it in himself to distrust him. He trusts the son of Janus as much as he trusts a family member, as much as he trusts Derek. He has no idea when he started feeling that way or how in the Five Rivers of Hades Dave managed to do this, but he does.
So...Nico decides to take a chance and see what happens.]
No...no, I don't believe that at all. And it infuriates me that I have such a hard time....
[He stops and lets out a sigh. Nico lets go of his hair, placing his forehead in his hands and refusing to look at Dave.]
I.... [He swallows thickly.] I'm not being fair at all, and I know that, but....
[Nico takes a breath. He doesn't want to fully say it, and he's hoping against hope that Dave doesn't take this badly.]
I'm just...angry. And disgusted at myself. And ashamed. I mean, I'm from 1942 Italy, we just don't talk about...about....
[Run, run, run! Get out now while you still have a chance, di Angelo! He stomps those instincts and thoughts down. He's committed to telling Dave the truth, for the love of the Styx!]
About a guy liking...another...guy.
[And now he waits, shaking slightly as he braces himself for the worst.]