halfbloodhill_logs | Closed Doors [Open in spite of Thread Name]

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Closed Doors [Open in spite of Thread Name]

Who: Callie, People who might find her.
What: Third Cohort's resident angry teen is being even less social.
When: Late Afternoon
Where: Amphitheater
Why: She takes (perceived) rejection very well.

Callie, if you can believe it, has been even less social now that she's been demoted. Any direct conversations she did her best to end quickly, she was... polite, but it was clearly forced. She'd also started varying her locations to hide out from other people. Part of it was the thought of getting out of here kept gnawing at the back of her mind, part of it was just avoiding the choice. The choice she didn't want to face.

Right now she was doing a paper map from her camera, marking out the places she's been. Something to keep her mind off things, she needed to do it anyway. A 'coverage map' she could show Dean would help them work out whatever favor she owes him, even if it isn't getting his car. But if they find a way around the magics of Trivia's children, she wanted to be ready. It hurt to even consider being trapped here by an 'ally.' When they were trapped due to the siege, that was one thing. But the Greeks who made it clear how much they owed for such hospitality now had this as a prison. How would they find the Red Room without sending out parties, how would they hunt down any information from within a barrier so tight it was meant to contain all manner of transit?

And with the walls tightening, all she really wanted was to find a space to be in peace, which was becoming more complicated with so many people and so few places to go. At least, for the moment, nobody seemed to keen on a talent show, or singing, so the theater seemed more than empty. And anyone who sought her out would look in the woods, Nike's cabin, or behind Cabin two.

She should be safe here for a little while, for whatever passed as safe anymore...

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"No. I'm not speaking to you as Centurion, but as an equal. I'm not going to order you to do anything you don't want to. The only thing I am going to do is tell you a story about someone who used to be very much like you."

Aqua looked up at the sky, composing her thoughts.

"There was a little boy. When I first met him, he was the loneliest child I'd ever met. He avoided people, hardly spoke, and he was very uncomfortable when someone tried to befriend him. I was only a kid myself when he arrived, but at one point, I made a blanket fort for him to hide in whenever it got overwhelming. He didn't want to be close to people. He'd been shuffled from foster home to foster home, and his own mother hadn't been able to take care of him since he was born.

"It broke my heart to see him like that. He was only ten. I wasn't much older, maybe eleven at the time, but I didn't give up on him. I couldn't. It took a long time for him to come out of his shell, but it was worth it to see him smile more."

Now, she looked at Callie. She wanted to judge her reaction, and she couldn't do that while looking at anything but her.

"His name was Ventus Bradford."

Callie's first thought was, 'Don't. You don't want to be equal to me.' but she let it go unsaid. Aqua cared, in ways Callie only understood when applied in any other direction. But mostly she didn't feel like putting the effort into driving her commander off.

Callie listened, this was a classic tactic. You mention how someone gets better and therefore everyone can get better. That was original. Nobody has ever tried this tactic on Callie. She'd never seen that child was hustling for drug money, or had a habit of sleeping with any girl he met. Still, she listened to see who the ending punch line of this little story was.

And she did her best to hide her surprise, it was still clear that wasn't where she thought this was heading. "That's great, I'm glad he's found himself a better life. What's your point?"

Callie had decided, long ago, most of the legion was better than her. She had her one skill, and no matter what good it was. No matter how hard she worked, she was never going to be more than who she was. Dave saw it, Dave saw what she was worth, nothing. So the idea that Ven was better than her? She was already there, just now the definition of how changed, as she had to reassess his whole nice thing. Since he clearly learned it, it's probably some way to disarm people.

"He took in someone he could trust, someone who genuinely cared about him, and started with that. Ven worked his way up to trusting other people. One or two, and then adding a little more. It helped heal him, though I know that there are still things he hasn't told me about his past."

Aqua shook her head. She didn't mind that Ven didn't tell her everything. When he was ready, he would tell her. If he never wanted to, then she would respect that.

"My point, Callie, is that I know you can do it. You're intelligent, you know change as intimately as Ven does, and I believe that you're a good person. And...I want you back in the Third Cohort as a full member again."

She meant every word. If Callie had been worth nothing, then Aqua wouldn't have bothered with any of this. The Centurion believed that she was worth more with all her heart, and there wasn't a thing that could change her stance on that.

"He started with family, right?" Callie didn't have that avenue, her brothers both hated her. One for abandoning her, the other for being self-centered. Maybe they were both right, who even knew anymore. She sacrificed everything for Jude... but she couldn't just live in the house with him and be happy. She wanted to help fight Gaea, she wanted revenge. She wanted to be useful, to be more than... worthless.

The important news was that Aqua didn't want her demoted, or wanted her out of it quickly. Which probably meant she either didn't get to argue, or it was on deaf ears. Callie put her pen down because it was clear she wasn't going to get to work while Aqua was here. Callie knew change better than anyone in this camp, it wasn't easy and it wasn't nice. The choices you make stay with you, and define you. And there's no way to take them back no matter what you try. "Change doesn't work backwards. And it can't be forced, so I can pretend to be someone I'm not, give up the last thing I have that's mine, or I can remain an outcast of both the legion and the Graecus camp. It's not a choice anyone will like me to make. Not without Trivia giving me another option to take."

She'd given herself a migraine looking for an ending, a place she ended up she wanted... she couldn't find one. She couldn't leave but she saw no reason to stay anymore. In New Rome her punishment would have either been handed to her directly from Reyna and Jason, Reyna who had supported Callie's distrust, or it would have been decided by a meeting of the Centurions or the Senate. Nothing like that happened.

"Only me, and I'm just a cousin. His mother was, still is, in a mental hospital."

She hummed in agreement. Callie was right in that change couldn't be forced, and pretending was not something the Praetors or anyone else was looking for. It had to be genuine.

"I won't ask you to change if you truly don't want to, Callie. Who you were before is impossible to regain, but you can be someone like her. A mix of now and back then. You're the only one who can decide on what parts you want to change, and what parts you want to keep. You don't have to pretend or give up what's yours. You don't have to be alone, and change doesn't always need to be a bad thing."

Aqua glanced away for a second. What she said next she had no idea how it would be taken, but she felt it was needed.

"Maybe you won't believe me when I say this, but...Ven and I care about you very much. Whatever choice you make, no matter how much I might disagree with it, I'll respect it."

"Who I was? She was ten. That girl is gone and I don't want to be her again!" Callie snapped before she could really draw that feeling back. Her fingers played with the gold charm that hung around her neck. The girl who was an easy mark in every foster home she ended up in, the girl who was fighting with... no, no, never again. She'll never go there again. "Both my brothers hate me."

And they're right to...

Her fingers stayed on the necklace as she thought over the words. Aqua wouldn't lie about these sorts of things, it wasn't in her. Not... unless she was much better at it than Callie suspected. And Callie wasn't the easy mark she used to be, Liam taught her that much. "Why? Why do people keep caring..."

"I'm sorry." And she meant it. She hadn't meant to make Callie angry, but, well, it happened. The important thing, perhaps, was that Aqua's only reaction was to be genuinely sorry to bring it up.

"Because we see someone worth caring about."

"Why? What do you see that's so worthwhile?" Callie couldn't see it, she tried and failed. She had her value to the legion but that was it. She'd never made an effort to be anything beyond a soldier. She never walked the tables in the mess, she never reached out during downtime. The only person less approachable in her mind was Reyna, and Reyna had the advantage of being Reyna.

"What do you see that I can't..?"

"Loyalty. Strength. Honesty. Straightforward. I see trustworthiness in you, and the potential to be a good friend, if you let someone. While earning your trust and respect can be hard, it's well worth it."

She'd always valued her Cohort on an individual basis. Their thoughts and opinions mattered very much. Callie was no exception.

She hadn't figured on an actual answer, "Most of those things are why I'm in trouble in the first place. My concern for the legion here is why I distrust the other groups, I'm hardly stronger than half the camp, if I didn't speak my mind and speak it directly nothing would have come up. I'd be just like everyone else enjoying all this... freedom, until they snuffed that too."

She figured the lockdown would ruffle more feathers, that more people would be outraged that instead of being put to use they were waiting for a sign, or an oracle, or some good luck to just answer their prayers. Do the Graecus just expect their parents to answer this for them? "What strength I have comes from everything else, and everything else is a part of me. And Lupa, or Mr. D, or Chiron wants me to give up that part of me for what? Because some flower child didn't like my tone, I disliked a cabin that barely stands, and I ditched a Faun in Philadelphia? Now that same Graecus, and a bunch of other campers are so lost in Cupid's festival wasting time."

"The only reason I'm here is that I'm not gifted at Trivia's powers, otherwise I'd be doing the only thing I'm good at. Legion work."

"The duty of the fauns here is to help protect the campers. Of course he would be upset by that and report it, especially when Gaea is targeting demigods. The son of Cer--Demeter most likely thought that you had used a racial slur. Cupid's festival is their way of regaining their morale and lifting the spirits of the other campers while their leaders plan on what must be done to regain what's been stolen. Even the Legion would have done that."

Aqua could agree with Callie on disliking the restriction of their freedom, especially since this Camp was smaller than the Roman one. Still, she did understand why it had to be put in place.

"You could always ask about their culture, why they do the things they do, instead of assuming. There has to be at least one Greek you can trust. Then find an Egyptian and a Norse you can trust. They're only asking for respect, and at least a modicum of the same trust you give to the Legion. The moment you feel like you can do that, Callie, will be the moment that I, as Centurion, vouch for you."

Edited 2014-02-15 16:25 (UTC)

"Protecting the campers at the cost of everyone beyond these walls. If given the opportunity I would happily give up this safety to see if there are any other legionnaires trapped out there, in need of us," Callie retorted, all these rules, all the restrictions. If they were to protect the safety of demigods they were already wrong. There are still demigods outside the camp, and the camp couldn't support more people. Not the way it is. "And the son of Demeter declared me 'holier than thou' based on the fact I find speaking through rainbows weird and that I did not find this camp my home. He's an idiot, and given his big focus on celebrating Cupid and Aphrodite instead of wanting to recover what is lost, he is better off here far from combat."

Trying to defend the thoughts and opinions of that Graecus ass wouldn't work. And everyone flocked to him like his touch was gold. His position on things were what was wrong.

"And he's also why I don't need to learn about their culture. This is a camp, not a city. They are children, not an army. They think that playing capture the flag makes them soldiers, and that being away from their family is a sacrifice!" There are tears in her eyes as she gets dangerously close to what the real meaning of sacrifice is. The real distinction between what she has lost and what he has given up, "The Greeks I do talk to, the ones that aren't assholes, are few and far between. And no amount of understanding why they do things will change that this isn't a city, this is a summer camp. And to fight Gaea and her Red Room, we would be acting, not waiting for permission from their leaders."

"And if you can't see the problem with this, I don't want you to vouch for me."

Aqua waited patiently for Callie to finish. If she'd expected her Centurion to give up or get angry, then she was going to be very disappointed. If anything, it made Aqua more determined to get to the heart of the matter.

"Then what does 'sacrifice' mean, Callie? Tell me, what does it mean for you?"

She wanted to understand, or maybe even needed to.

"Sacrifice is not telling Jude what I am, where I am, and having him hate me for leaving him behind. Cause if he knew about Trivia's blood he'd become a target to monsters." Callie started, eyes still gleaming with where her heart was, "It was five years of taking crap from people using me and my brother for a cheap paycheck. Making sure that everyone hated me more than him, so I got beat up. It's doing whatever it takes so that the legion survives, so that I don't have to carry anymore dying children from a burning school. Even die, just to make sure someone else doesn't have to be me."

"And apparently this makes me selfish, that it's all about me. That I feel I'm better than everyone." Her eyes are burning and she's trying not to cry. She mumbles her next words. "Anyone that thinks I'm better than them must be the lowest form of crap on this earth..."

She was quiet as she listened. It hurt to see Callie in so much pain, but at the same time she couldn't help a feeling of admiration to Callie's conviction. She wanted to reach out and hug her, but she knew she shouldn't. She knew Callie wouldn't appreciate that without permission, and so Aqua refrained from doing so.

"Callie, that took a lot of courage and love to do what you had to do. I wish you didn't have to do any of those things and go through all that pain. But...instead of being someone he hates, why not be someone Jude can be proud of?"

"By lying? He can't know what I am, so he can't know what I do. Plus I abandoned him two years ago. He's happy now, he has a family... putting him in danger and relocating him somewhere safe? Like this prison. Then I really would be selfish, and everything Dave thinks about me would be true."

Callie made a choice, her or Jude. His happiness for her's, it wasn't a trade she'd make. He could have a good, happy life. One with a family that cares, really cares. Not just... using him for a paycheck, or as unpaid cleaning. Crap, she was crying wasn't she?

"It didn't take any courage, I wasn't scared."

"Courage doesn't mean facing a fear. It can be part of what makes someone courageous, but it's not all that it is. You did what was needed to protect your brother, and then faced the consequences of those decisions."

Aqua made as if to reach out, but she stopped and took her hand back.

"Now that Jude's happy, why can't you let yourself be happy? Just because you had to lose something doesn't mean that you can't gain another thing."

"In this prison? The only thing that works for me is legion work. Quests, being useful. I'm not even a full legionnaire anymore. And if I could call this place home, what then? It'll just make sure this place burns just like New Rome. And thanks to the stupid barriers I won't be able to save anyone!"

Callie turned away to try to salvage some of her dignity. She didn't know how to let people in, she didn't remember. Some people just... understood, not through words, or sharing, or feelings but... they knew. She didn't even realize all her walls until she was faced with the idea of getting passed them.

"Then don't make a place your home. Make other people your home. Ven did."

She shook her head. She was hoping maybe some of this was getting through, but she wouldn't know for sure.

Callie knew her initial response to the idea, 'so I can watch them die?' but kept that to herself. Not very helpful, to always assume the worst. But someone has to.

"We're in a war right now, nobody is safe no matter how many barriers this place has. I don't want anyone to become me, that includes making them in my death."

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Closed Doors [Open in spite of Thread Name]

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